She took his left hand and touched the back of his hand against her forehead
as she curtsied. With the sign of the cross, he blessed her with his right
hand. What is troubling you my child ?, as he led her to a bench near the
sacristy. Maria Elena felt calm as she always did in the presence of this
priest. Padre, please talk to me as a friend. I am so confused. I do not know
what to do. She paused. As you must know by now, I have reached that age. You
must hear this from so many young women my age. I am not ashamed to tell you
that I am in love.
Padre Itsi smiled. Yes?
That is not the problem. The problem is my heart tells me one thing. My head
tells me another. It is about Arturo and Diego.
I know, he nodded.
I am afraid you don't. You see, I am also thinking of what is best for my
people.
Padre Itsi questioned her with his eyebrows.
Yes, our people, the people of Bansa, the people of Butuan. I love Arturo. I
know it is a sin, but all hours of the day, my body aches to surrender to him.
But Diego, he is a good person. I do not want to hurt him. If I marry Diego, he
will pour all his money and other resources here, with the help of his father,
give employment to our men, help them. Diego has promised me. No, he is not
trying to bribe me or buy me. Diego is just being direct and truthful. He is a
gentleman. I can tell. I know he is. His friends and business associates will
come and set up businesses here. Arturo has nothing except that I love him.
My dear child, should you not follow your heart ? Should you not think of your
happiness first?
Yes, I should follow my heart and think of my happiness. But, even now I have
this feeling of guilt. Like I am being selfish. They were silent for a full
minute.
Malena, I know you and have known you since you were born. What is really
troubling you ? Tell me the the real reason you have come to see me. He could
read her like a book, more than she realized.
Padre, I honestly can not tell you because I myself don't know what it is.
Something in me bothers me. I don't know what it is. Sometimes I feel I am two
different persons. What is wrong with me? Sometimes I suspect that just by
thinking about them, things would happen! Something...., she was pleading now.
Why am I so different?
Padre Itsi stood up, walked a step towards the altar, focused his eyes on the
crucifix hanging high above the altar. The crucifix was just a wooden cross,
empty of occupant, except for a symbolic piece of white cloth draped over the
left and across to the right arm. This poor child has her own cross to bear.
Malena, using his intimate pet name for her when he wanted to be affectionate,
it is time.
What?
It is time for you to know. I made a promise to your mother.
You what? What about my mother ? as she stood up in a defiant stance.
He turned around and faced her, his face a picture of despair and doubt. He
could not bring himself to reveal the secret he had been keeping to himself for
more than seventeen years. Once he tells her, things would never be the same
again. The years since her birth, all the happy days they shared flashed
before his eyes.
Her sweetness and her innocence, will these change, too? "Dios mio, Dios mio,"
do not forsake me now! Spare this child., he pleaded in his mind. The veins on
his forehead were engorged as he tried to retain his composure, raising his
eyes to the ceiling of the old church., begging for divine assistance. The
lingering comforting aroma of frankincense did nothing to ease his pain.
I promised your mother seventeen years ago, almost to the day, that I will tell
you everything when you are ready for it. I believe you are ready now although
you can never really be ready for what I am about to tell you.
Maria Elena's eyes were now beginning to change colors. The beams of the church
supporting the massive walls and roof were beginning to creak. What is he
mumbling about? Up north, in the island named Camiguin, there was a growling
grumbling deep in Vulcan Daan. Outside, uneasy dark clouds were beginning to
accumulate, so low that one could almost touch them. Her eyes were steady on
his, willing him to disclose everything. Tell me now.
Padre Itsi said in his most tender way, "Hija," your father is not your father.
She stood there, not completely comprehending. She opened her mouth. Nothing
came out. Her world collapsed as she started to realize what he was telling
her. She grabbed at his chest and pulled at his habit, breaking the thread of
the collar buttons that fell to the floor. You ! she cried out. You are my
father ? You are my father !! She looked at him with unbelieving eyes, disgust
and sorrow and anger and betrayal all at once.
I wish it were that simple. Oh, how I wish it were that simple. No, my
child. I do love you as if you were my own. But no, you are wrong. I am not
your father! He pulled her toward him and hugged her in a platonic embrace,
gently smoothing, soothing her hair, trying to calm her down.
I don't understand. Who?, she whispered . Denial was what she was hoping for.
Please sit down and listen very carefully. I have agonized over this for all
these years. I have questioned my own faith. I still do. I refuse to believe.
Can it be true? Your mother told me everything. At first I did not, I could not
believe her. But all the things she told me has come to pass. I should have
believed her. I should have done something about it. But what? I have not been
prepared for this. Even now, I cannot reconcile my Christian beliefs with what
I know . My child, you were not conceived of man. You were born from the loins
of the devil!
It took a while for his words to register in her mind. Maria Elena did not want
to believe, but deep in her heart she knew she was different. She knew the
priest was not lying to her. She listened intently to what he had to say. Oh
Mama, she cried in her heart, what have you done? It was a mother she never
knew.
Outside the church, hard rain had started falling, droplets larger than ba-nga
nuts, the streets beginning to flood. Water rushing in from the mountains and
from the overflowing river and creeks.
He saw the sorrow in her as he told her about the woman, Josefina.
Previous Chapter - Chapter 6
Next Chapter - Chapter 8
Back to Table of Contents
